What are the elements of a good story...? An interesting situation? What about authority figures... The Police? Maybe other characters... A naked Dutch/Indonesian guy... trying to explain to the Japanese Police why he is naked, at 4am... in a laundromat... using google translate...?And maybe some context… Which leads to the event itself…
Let’s start with some characters…
· Alain – also known as Naked guy wrapped in an orange tarpaulin.
· Dimitry – Russian mafia type guy, also known as (and use a scary deep Russian voice here please) “Hey! Wait a moment…” (Actually when I say scary Russian voice, you can think Cookie Monster)
· Me… I’ll be known as the ‘Shushing guy’.
· Police Captain – for this exercise, I start him telling the story and is known as Captain 'Passed Over for Promotion.'
· The police captain’s sidekick – we will call him 'Constable Too Tall and Too Handsome’.
The story starts with how I image 'the police captain’s report…' started...
Date 15thOctober 2019
Time 04:30am
Location – local public 24hr laundromat.
It was a typical quiet Sunday nightshift. At 3am an unusual report came in, two suspicious men were apparently naked in the local laundromat. Normally I would dispatch Constable Too Tall and Too Handsome for trivial matters (he needs the experience) however with the unusual nature of the report I felt the situation warranted more of a senior and experienced presence. Besides naked foreigners at 3am could indicated a potentially volatile situation involving alcohol or even drugs. I brought my ‘Piece.’
We arrived at 3:07am and entered the premises. We discovered one naked man wrapped in an orange tarpaulin and one clothed man lying on a sleeping bag and ‘gently snoring’… at this point Constable Too Tall and Too Handsome became an anime character and starts to scream and yell at Naked Guy Wrapped in a Tarpaulin… I assist during the gaps, until something completely unexpected happened…
At this point I jump to ‘context’ for this story and Dimitri the ‘Hey! Wait a moment’ (HWAM) guy.
Two nights earlier.
It was the first day/night of the 5thedition of the Japanese Odyssey and I had found myself riding with four other guys, including ‘Hey! Wait a Moment’. Our plan was to reach CP2. The last 20kms took two hours longer than the expected 60-90mins, (I only include this to highlight fatigue levels). Not wanting to sleep at the top of a mountain, myself and one other (Simone) headed down, eventually stopping around 2am to bivvy. We quietly set camp and tried to sleep…
 |
| Naked Orange Tarpaulin Guy... Clothed mode. |
Some indeterminate time later, maybe 30mins or so ‘HWAM’ guy turned up... Now ‘HWAM’ had a very powerful light attached to his helmet. HWAM decided to camp with us, which was fine, except it appeared that HWAM could not find a spot… we are in a country 3500km long and HWAM cannot find 12 sq ft to put down his mat... I swear, for the next 30mins HWAM looked back and forth, back and forth (all the while, deeply sighing in an irritated Russian mafia guy type way “Hmmmm….! Hmmmm…!” Yes, Cookie Monster). This would not have been too bad, except every time he looked back and forth his 20,000 lumen light pierced my eyelids, my eyeballs, and my brain all the way through to lighting up the back of my skull. After just 30 minutes of ‘enjoying this ‘light-show’ and not sleeping,’ my annoyance found voice…
“Dude! Turn off that fogging light!!!”
“oh oh… er sorry” Cookie Monster I mean HWAM said and the ‘second sun’ went dim and finally set for the night.
I left HWAM the next morning and did not see him again until the start of S5, about 36 hours later… “Hey! Wait a moment!” I hear behind me, it was Cookie Monster, “We go Usuki Ferry Tonight! Yes!”
“Well, er… yes, that was my plan” I respond.
“Okay, lets go!” Gravels Cookie Monster.
A couple kms later we came across Alain (Naked Orange Tarpaulin Guy or NOTG). “Do you want to ride with us?” I ask NOTG. Please note, Alain is not naked at this point.
We set off together and the night was pretty uneventful apart from HWAM crashing (slowly) into me and forcing both of us to almost crash into the back of a ‘relieving’ himself NOTG. “oh, oh… er… sorry” said Cookie Monster.
It became apparent that HWAM was very good at climbing hills as he would race up them; but less strong at descending… and HWAM seemed to be having trouble with his brakes… we would stop and wait for HWAM, he would catch us, get off his bike say “Hey! Wait a moment…” fiddle with his brakes and then we would continue.
The last ferry was at 2:40am it was after midnight and we were still 65kms away… At this pace we were not going to make it, so NOTG and I stopped waiting for HWAM and made a run for the ferry. We fly the first 50kms, we are time trialing… but with 30mins and 16kms to go we hit a huge climb. Time speeds up, we slow down - we won’t make the ferry.
Now at this point I have been moving for 71 hours and I had slept for around six hours - yes, tired. NOTG and I eventually get to Usuki but the next ferry is not until 8:30...
I cut this next bit short.
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| Shush!!! |
NOTG stops at a laundry, and I carry on, but only to the next laundry (I’m looking for power). NOTG was gonna wash his gear and I figured I may as well do mine. I load up the machine, lay out my mat, and as I am about to lay down NOTG turns up, he is gonna do his laundry here instead. I don’t care, I lay down, cover my eyes with a bandana and sleep.
I’m aware that HWAM is not that far behind… but whatever… he won’t disturb my sleep again…
I am out instantly, lack of sleep and none stop exercise has taken its toll on my mind and body… however, eventually, I can hear loud voices trying to penetrate my mind… they get louder and louder… I cannot tell what they are saying but it is annoying… wait… has Cookie Monster turned up? This is just my third night, I'm trying to sleep and he is keeping me awake again…!?! AGAIN?
“SHUSH!!!”
It went quiet.
Kinda, it did not go silent but it was definitely more subdued. I fall back asleep.
Some time later NOTG shakes my shoulder gently “Christopher, Christopher… we have to leave, the police are here… I’ve explained to them everything, but we have to leave.” I drag myself from sleep “What?’ NOTG explains again. I look at NOTG and he is naked except for an orange tarpaulin wrapped around his waist. I look around the room and there are two police officers looking at us. One has his hand on his ‘piece’ They look nervous.
 |
| Hey! Wait a Moment! |
My mind starts to work… ‘where is HWAM…? Ah… no HWAM guy… who did I shush then…? Click… the penny drops, it must have been… the police…’
I stagger over to the washing machine, my gear is still wet… I take it out and take it to the dryer… NOTG says to the police “Is okay?” the two police officers look at each other and shrug… too late anyway, I had started the machine.
That was almost the end, I tried to add one more thing… I got my camera out gave it to Constable Too Tall and Too Handsome and asked him to take a picture, whilst Captain was pretending to arrest me… they didn’t go for it, but it did make them smile.
I only saw Dimitri one more time after that, the next day I saw a rider ahead of me and as I got close, he stopped, got off his bike and started messing with his rear tyre. “Hey Dimitri, how are you doing?” I called out to him as I rode past…
“Hey!” he started, I can’t be sure, but I think he finished with “…Don’t Wait a moment...”
Obviously I have embellished for my own entertainment and let’s call it artistic license, however, the story is all true. And Dimitri? Well Dimitri was great, he was kind and thoughtful… but he did make a good character… once I added some elements J
