Big White is AWESOME! Cos the people... let's say 15, I don't think I have used that number...

Yes, I know going in chronological order would make sense. But my mind works differently, either that or I am lazy, or forgetful, or ADD or a combination of awesome and fantastic... yes autistic... awe-tistic... get it? I'm combining the two words... wait... what do you mean it's not funny if I have to explain it? 

Anyhooo... do you remember when you were at school? More specifically when you had an assignment to do... pick a person you admired? To be honest, I don't recall doing that, I do recall being a disruptive, under achieving, cheeky, annoying, brat. But being exposed to the North American culture, I have come to understand doing an 'assignment' is a 'thing'.

Free beer for imaginary friends!

Now you would think, with my particular kind of misanthropic personality ('there are two types of people... people I don't know... and people I don't like...' to quote myself) I would not respect or admire anyone, well you would be right, I mean wrong... Wrong, wrong I meant.

Now imagine you are a 26 year old man, 5'8" (173cm ish) and you weigh in at 270lbs... on a good day. Fit...? Healthy...? Active...? Not so much. But you have a well paid, career path, government job; it is a desk job, but government...? Perks, pension, union representative, overtime, lots of holidays... six weeks holiday... (no Canada, not you, oh oh oh except teachers - they get 26 weeks) you can take a sabbatical, they will support education programs... etc etc. Your family is close and supportive, friends are great... apparently friends that 'like you' is also a thing... 

You are set for life... if you choose. No, life is not 'perfect', but we are talking first world problems... (I'm overweight) not third world problems... (we have no food, water, shelter, the country is being torn apart by warlords). Given those circumstances, what would you do? What do 999/1000 people do? They choose the easy life, the comfortable life, the known, the stable, consistent, predictable safe... yes - the chubby option.

But not everyone... no.

Fast forward four years.

Wait... let me ask you a question. How many of you struggle with weight? How many have tried losing weight, how many think they need more exercise... but don't. How many try to blame other factors...? I am big boned, I am just heavy set, I am gluten intolerant... I don't each much... Let me tell you an astonishing fact - calories don't multiply in your stomach. True story.

Eat more sugar... it is good...
for our profits.

Of course there are things that affect our appetites, take sugar... imagine for an instant there was this drug. A drug with some particular attributes...

• Very addictive, three hours after ingesting, your body is craving more.
• Instant gratification - it enters the blood stream seconds after being ingested.
• Instant energy boost.
• Instant mood elevation.
• A source of pure expendable energy.
• Readily available globally.
• Cheap to being almost free.
• Acceptable in society.
• Promoted in society. 
• Government encouraged... 

Peter... er... taking Action.

But what happens if we don't burn that 'drug'? Well, your body has to do something with it. Enter your pancreas. Your pancreas creates insulin which helps deal with this drug... it helps deal with the energy by storing it for later dates, yes, we are still cavemen, our bodies have evolved to store energy for famine periods, it is an efficient system - the energy gets stored as fat. Your pancreas is pretty effective, as this 'drug' enters your bloodstream, it jumps into action, floods your body with insulin, gets rid of that pesky drug. But it is a little too effective at this... quickly dropping your blood sugar level  leaving you feeling weak, lethargic, tired, cranky... hungry... 'Help...! I need another donut...'

Sugar is the heroin of the western world - once sugar is introduced into a country, the consumption only ever increases. Rats will consume sugar over heroin, sugar water is the only product babies will chose over breast milk, the world health organization (despite millions spent by lobbyists to prevent) recommends no more than 5% of your daily calorie consumption to be sugar... our global daily average is 25%.

Why would lobbyists do this? Well sugar is...

• Cheap.
• A huge source of revenue (read profit)
• adaptable - you can put it in anything.
• Easy to manufacture, process, transport... not prone to degradation...
• And and and... very addictive.

Yes, a perfect product.

These sugar lobbyists strangely have an easier job than the Brussels Sprout lobbyists...

Pic of my dog Hobbes...
I dunno, cos it's a good pic.

25% of our calories that have zero nutritional value - hmmm... healthy. Zero nutritional value that creates cravings to consume more, and more...? Dld you know that there is a 'sweet' spot for sweetness levels? True - in the industry it is called the 'Bliss' level - not too bland, not too sweet. This Bliss level originated in soda, okay, not too bad except it has permeated into almost all aspects of the processed food industry... that healthy looking tomato based pasta sauce...? Full of chunky vegetables, tomatoes, low fat...? ooh ooh ooh and low sodium too... yes? Cos it's full of foggin sugar.

Why don't they make it healthier? Well imagine you are a food manufacturer and you have a choice - cheap, addictive, profitable foods that people can afford, or bland, expensive, healthy stuff that people don't buy? Ever tried feeding kids Brussels Sprouts? Exactly. (Quick topical joke - What is the difference between snot and Brussels Sprouts? A. Kids won't eat Brussels Sprouts). You cannot blame the manufacturers, they are catering to market forces... you have to take action.... take responsibility for your own decisions.

Nutter dog. Waiting for
some nuts.

But I don't have time? Look at American Labor statistics... here. Yes, McDonalds, Pizza, pasta sauce etc are cheaper, easier, faster, tastier... more addictive. But time is not the issue - you have lots, stop watching tv, stop being life's spectator, go and participate.

So sugar is an issue. What else? Ease of calories...? Is it easy to get those life sustaining calories...? Er... I think so...

Remember when we were cavemen (I am going to ignore the 'Creationists' belief's here), hunter gatherers? Calories were hard to get... no? Okay, famine ravaged third-world countries? Getting closer? Or, what about Venezuela? That country is now in crisis - people are struggling to eat, on average the population have lost 18lb each... My point is simpler, sitting in a sofa, watching tv, and phoning for a calorie saturated, sugar infused pizza (dough and sauce) is less challenging than spending 8-hours gathering berries... or playing tag with that sabre toothed tiger... losing not recommended.

Aww... doesn't he look cute...?
He is not! He is a drunk
Scotsman coming out of a bar at 2am
'Am gunna firkin keel yu...'

What about calorie burn? If you live at Big White, you may have seen that idiot riding his bike up and down the road... yes me. Why do I do it - cos I am dumb. Every winter despite my good intentions I gain a winter layer - it must be those 'multiplying-calories' it cannot be all the beer, fries, chocolate, wine, rich food... deserts, starters, take-away curry (er... yum!), chips etc etc etc. And yet I am active - ski instructor you see, 130+ days this season - true story. 130 days and I still gained 10lbs... dumbass.

10lbs is equivalent to 35,000 calories, when I ride my bike for two hours down to the junction (this is Hell by the way, capital H, hell.) I burn about 625 calories per hour. Or... two chocolate bars, four beers (+/-) almost a full piece of restaurant cheesecake (for the full two hours riding... 120 mins riding for a piece of cake... kidding me right? Nope.) so the food we eat is very calorie dense.

Anyway back to today...

Peter - fighting the man...
and happy.

Peter... my hero. Five years ago 270lb, today... he is much less of a man, about 90lb less. Work, discipline, and focus on a goal - making sure he had somewhere to live... yes, if you don't look after your body, where will you live? Huh? So Peter is doing it, fighting the (sugar) man... and winning.

In those five years Peter has...

• Lost a sugar load of weight.
• Qualified as a snowboard instructor (in Canada)
• Done numerous Obstacle Course Races
• This includes the 2017 Rat Race - 20 miles, 200 obstacles 7 hours 38 mins... yes, effin ell.
• Spent two winter seasons at Canada at Big White Ski Resort.
• Gained the friendship (temporary) of my nutter dog - Pixel.

Admirable eh? Yes, I can see you nodding, well the few of you that have met Pixel... and the other stuff is pretty cool too.

So Peter is 'Cos the people - 15' no longer at Big White, but he escaped the trap, fought the man, made an impact in my life... and became... a lessor man.

 Sólido Properties - er... got fat again during the ski season, three times now... just you wait tho, next season will be different... maybe.

Big White AWESOME! Things catch on quick...

Like biking...?

Three years ago Big White started doing summer stuff - July 2014 was the start. They

...festival.

started will a small hiking trail, a couple of weekend activities - beer festival, a race up the mountain, a bike race from the junction - yours truly came first in the prestigious 'mountain bike category' of course it being a road race there were very few competitors in the said category... so few in fact that first... was also last. You may have noticed I didn't start with coming last... I have a fake image I'd like to maintain.

Jonesy on his epic 'Jonesy' ride.

36 months later and the summer season is becoming firmly established... a $1m spent on biking trails so far (some completed - please direct update questions to Peter Plimmer... he loves them) a lift converted to carry bikes, more hiking trails, more activities, more festivals; L'Alpe de Grand Blanc - it's in French cos the owners are Australian with a German name, obviously. A race from Kelowna to the top of the mountain, well, village, but still. 

The first race had maybe 30 participants (please feel free to enlighten me with accurate numbers). This year the pre-race practice ride had 40 riders - yes, yours truly did participate, no, not on a mountain bike (I try to limit my idiot-syncracies - I just made that word up, do you like it?) I didn't win, but was just a very short 45mins behind the leader... almost a photo-finish. The actual race will happen in three weeks with an expected turnout of 4,000 riders... not really, but probably 300, there would be more but most of the top riders had already committed to something in France... no, I don't know why.

At least two here

Not only is this race growing but other community activities too, Mondays there is a road group riding together, Thursdays a mountain bike group, a group rode to Kelowna a couple weeks ago, last week Penticton... (a smaller ride, just me and my imaginary friends...) this week Jonesy did (is still) an epic ride called 'the Jonesy' bit of a coincidental name eh? A multi day from somewhere to er... somewhere else... eventually - totally unsupported and yes, epic. I think it will be an annual thing - I'm sure he will be happy to commit to more, maybe... after a few days recovery, and a beer or two. Time for some pics me thinks...

The 'Jonesy' Somewhere to somewhere else.

And the rest? Yes, busy. We opened last weekend and the place was full! Fuller than full - The Woods restaurant ran out of food at 2pm... I know cos I went to buy a burger at 2pm... hungry ai were, 'bugger...' I thought... better have a beer instead, and go and see wifey. No... she didn't have burgers.

This is Jonesy with that Shandley guy... he is better than me...
taller too, and younger, has all his hair... stop smiling...
 he is Scottish!

Why? Why was it so busy? Why not? Kelowna is great (not my opinion obviously) but... where can you do the things that you can at Big White? Crawford has mountain biking - but, you have to do that irritating thing of pedalling uphill of course, and then there is no... bar, restaurants, coffee shops, play area for the kids, pump track, live music... etc And Kelowna is hot... foggin hot (I'm not a fan) Big White? Yes, 10 degrees cooler, I am a fan... cos I don't need one... Ha! Yes, it is funny... it's my blog, I decide.

Of course this (some sceptics would say) may not happen, but if the growth of visitors over the last three years is anything to go by... it already is.

So... Sólido Properties... blah blah blah di blah, something, real estate, something rentals (we are full (mostly)), beer, coffee, bike riding, renovations (part of a new company... called... wait for it... Big White Mountain Renovations... no, website is not finished, yet... I'm working on it for fogs sake.

Bye.

Big White is AWESOME! Coming back next season... part du...

So I just finished this awesome blog on living here, coming back next season, I did some trash talking of Pete aka Peter Barton. Awesome trash talking, I referenced Peter's inability to use correct grammar (your rubbish at grammar Pete). See that was an example of trash talking Pete...

I also had great nuggets like 'Peter is in intents training... which means he intends to train... but just isn't - Pete is doing an OCR soon... 20 miles, 200 obstacles... 200!!! Which is close to a million! Well closer than 199 anyway. I think you will agree... this sounded much better the first draft...

*No, I don't like cleaning either.

I also provided some advice on coming back next season... cleaning*, damage**, references, applying early... great great stuff, the best stuff (almost Trump-esque). I had pictures with great captions, it included advice on appropriate times to contact your landlord (hardly every) stuff that is not your landlord's responsibility to fix - blocked toilets, light bulbs, blocked toilets, locked doors blocked toilets etc blocked toilets etc... you know what the emphasis is on.

**Yes, damage... I do notice.

But... my blog did not save. Can you imagine the words that I used... 'bugger' was one, 'aghhh...' another. Effin foggin eck. Hours I spent writing a crappy blog, hours wasted... 

You know what I did?

I didn't, didn't go for a run up the mountain instead of trying to write it all again (cos we're not allowed). Up the mountain and ruminated... yes, yes... I chewed cud. Foggin eck, that was hard too... It happens to me every year. Every year I say I'm not getting fat this season and every year I ignore myself. So, I have to fix it, which means lots of exercise and less beer... bugger.

Yes it is me, no, I'm not that skinny anymore.

If you are coming back next season it is probably for the same reason I live here, it makes me happy. 

Here is a deep deep question for you - are you happy? Think about it for a minute - are you happy and what is the source of that happiness? Now don't be under any illusion that I live in this constant state of bliss, I don't. Sometimes... work sucks, or my wife is a lovely (wait... I know it doesn't make sense, but she reads it.)  or I am sick (or hungover)... or (more often than not) my tenants are a pain... I also have two dogs, let me correct that, two great dogs...

But they can be a pain too. The big dude (Hobbes) is a labradoodle and for the most part I am a great owner but sometimes... I am a bad owner (no bad dogs you see...) sometimes Hobbes likes to run off... run off and go garbage diving. Yes, yes. Now there are usually two consequences to this activity - the first is a mess that he creates. The second is more of a delayed response... he gets sick, or gets the poopies (I was gonna say shits but this is a family friendly blog), now for some reason these poopies are time sensitive - middle of the night is a very popular time. Sometimes he lets us know, sometimes... not. 

Because how he lets us know is very subtle... Imagine 2am, you're asleep, you have had a couple of beers, or wine, after skiing hard all day, fatigue, alcohol, comfy bed...? Now your dog creeps into the room, sits down and starts to chomp his chops... ruminate if you will, (without the cud). Sometimes this will wake us, sometimes we get other results. And of course we (wifey and I) play the 'pretending to be asleep' game... cos let's face it who wants to get up at 2am, get dressed, go outside in -20 and pick up poop? It is a dangerous game though, for the obvious reasons.

Our dogs get out lots, exercise lots - running, biking, hiking around the mountain (no, not the dogs, wifey and I). The dogs will follow er... doggedly... mostly. Little nutter dude (Pixel) - Absolutely. Big dude... sometimes he can disappear... 

A story - Around about mid season I was up early and it was the perfect day for a run in the trails. The snow was firm with a 2-3cm layer of that really light fluffy stuff - great for my old knees. The air was crisp, with those ice crystals still lingering in the air. I have Hobbes, my music (trance... always) and we head off to the Black Forest. I usually walk the first km or so, warms my joints, Hobbes does his business (easier to walk with a full doggy bag) and then once on the trails (behind the day lodge) I will start, gently at first.

This way Hobbes...

It is the perfect day, legs are strong, breathing is good, music, steady pad of my feet on the trail, crystals glinting in the crisp air, dog following behind me... wait... dog...? Where is that dog...? "HOBBES!" I yell... not just once... but... nothing. I turn around and (whilst cursing... loudly) back track - he can't of gone far... can he? I find where his tracks stop, turn and disappear... for fogs sake.

I start to follow, not at my original pace... no, screw my knees, I'm gonna catch that dog.

You know when you see a dog on or off leash? They don't walk in a straight line, they wend (FYI present tense of 'went') their way, sniff this, sniff that, pee here, pee there... slow(ish). Yes? Well I'm following the trail and there is no wending his way gently down to Happy Valley, no... he is straight line... and moving fast. I'm moving fast, well it is now downhill and I am on a mission. The run is no longer fun, gentle, relaxing... no not at all. I am now gasping like a red faced, unfit, middle-aged chubster trying to play soccer with his kids... effin dog. I get down to Happy Valley and lose the trail - a groomer has gone by. I do the circling to find the trail thing you see in movies and eventually find it again. It has since started snowing heavy so the fresh tracks are now clear... but the older tracks are filling in...

Hobbes!!!

Ha! He has gone up here... up this steep slope into the Edge development... I follow... but now I guess he thinks he has lost me, slowing, wending, walking around all the cars, up to the doors... bugger, lost him again... back and forth, back and forth... up the hill, back down, other side, heading out - I chase. Into the Timbers, lost again, up the snowbank, across to Spyglass... through the middle of Spyglass, out onto the road... where did the trail go? Getting cold... Ha! I find fresh ones heading back to the Edge, they cut right into Southpoint, onto the patio and then back up to the Edge... damn dog. Fresh tracks, he must be close, wending around the cars again, walking to the doors...

Now, seeing a dog doing this, you probably wouldn't think twice... how about a lunatic running around the development staring at the floor, ranting to himself... disappearing but back again 15mins later... a bit more of a concern...?

Busted!

Actually, by this time I was no longer mad, I was hunting and it was kinda fun... kinda. I scramble up another snowbank... and there he was - "Hobbes!" He freezes, deer in headlights... caught. And he knows eh, he knows he is in trouble. Not only is he in trouble but he never got any garbage - Ha! Good owner!

We head home... I keep him close, real close.

Sólido Properties (yes, you can click on this link) is the bad owner of two very good dogs, property owner, property manager, property cleaner (reluctant), property renovator (poor), ski instructor (er ditto), beer enthusiast, very happy and and and a blog writer (if you hadn't guessed) and if you have got this far (really...? do you not have anything better to do...?) you are probably looking for a place for next season... if so, go to this link. I may... or may not respond... keep chasing me, yes, I know I am rubbish.

Big White is AWESOME...! First/Third World Problems...

First World… Third World Problems… Mine, ours… theirs…

Okay, mine first; cos it’s about me… okay? Good.

So, I arrived in Mexico Saturday. Los Barriles; a hour north of Cabo on the Sea of Cortez – it is a place for kitesurfing and my only reason to be here. On arrival kites were flying everywhere; a promise of good times for the week.

FWP #1

Originally it was just Stan and I, a squash buddy and fellow kiting fan. A one bed apartment found on Airbnb would be fine. Stan brought his daughter (Maddy); we’ll make it work. FWP #1 (First World Problem) the place is small, not bad for a couple… three singles is a bit tight. 'Boohoo...' I hear you say…? Exactly.  

FWP #2

Sunday Stan and Maddy head to the Pacific side to see friends – I’m staying to catch wind; it's in the forecast. FWP #2 – No wind. No Wind…! WTF? No, it is not fantastic. No wind, no kiting, no fun, it is my raison d’etra… well, whilst here anyway.

FWP #3 

So I go for a run along the beach, but the sand is not perfect – it’s a bit granular, hurts my delicate toes and and and… the ‘break’ is a bit steep so I kinda run at an angle. Can you say “Awww… poor muffin.” Thanks.

FWP #4... 

The next day… (Monday) FWP #2, Again! I suffer another run after which I stay home feeling sorry for myself, I decide to do some work – at least I can be productive… but no… FWP #4 internet/wifi is down… Why me? Why me god? Yeah, yeah, I know you have billions of people without food, water, living in atrocious conditions under the threat of war or dictatorial violence… struggling just to survive, but c’mon – my internet is down. But I find my own solution (thanks for nothing god) I have to go to a bar with wifi – the beer is cold so maybe I will survive the day.

FWP #1(a)

Tuesday arrives and with it wind. Praise be… to the regular weather cycle. But my none complaint allows me to add another minor FWP. Let’s call it FWP 1(a) – water, the toilet water is none potable – I can’t drink it! Which means I can’t drink the tap water… I have to buy water… it is almost a two-minute walk… FFS!

FWP #3 - Cancelled. FWP #'s 5 & 6 added.

I start my day off with another run, getting used to this; I mean how bad can it be? The sun is shining, nice breeze, a beautiful part of the world… I’m getting great exercise; you know what let’s scratch FWP #3. I get back, jump in the clean, fresh ocean to cool; I get changed, grab my gear, assistant (Stan, normally a criminal defence lawyer… but my assistant today) and head to the beach. I get the kite flying, I’m up on the board, (Cool! I think) I turn the other direction and lose the board… (not cool...) does god not care about me? I think he is spending too much time looking after the billions struggling to survive again… he’s not helping, no, not helping at all. I’m gonna call this FWP #5. But it is worse, I need to add another FWP - #6, I’m a bit sunburnt… don't touch me!

FWP #7

I try and fail to recover my board… for a very good reason – I’m rubbish. I decide to get to shore, land the kite, hike upwind of my board and then recover it. My assistant (Stan) suggests I land the kite before walking up… hmmm okay. I’m in a big area, there is nobody around, the only obstacle is this tiny (‘dusty, please slow down sign’). I start to lower the kite, slowly… slowly... Now, if I made a dozen attempts, I couldn’t hit this sign… I wasn’t trying though was I... No. And even though the wind was loud, the sound of the kite ripping was distinct; a different sound than the one I made. FWP #7… Bugger. 

By the time my kite was untangled and I'd fired Stan, the board was playing hide and seek… I looked. I looked for three hours, I got to my running turn-around point, (250 million miles away) and looked, and looked and… I had lost the hide and seek game. I did manage to spot the top of a tiny, clear plastic bottle, floating 300m away… but not my bright white, yellow and black 139cm board with white foot beds. No. But, the three extra hours in the mid afternoon sun allowed me to upgrade my first degree burns to second degree ones... yay... not.

So those were my FWP’s.

What will we do without snow...?
Oh yeah, we can wait a couple days.

And ours? Our 'collective' FWP...? Glad you asked. 

Snow, or lack of, at Big White. Opening day has been delayed until Dec 3^rd. What…? FFS! That means this $600+/- ski pass is only going to be good for about 135 days, with only a 100 or so 11.5 hour days and 35 x 7.5 hour days – around 1500 (potential) hours of skiing/snowboarding. Works out to roughly $0.42c per hour. How will we cope with such overwhelming ‘lifestyle’ obstacles? I just, I… I just don’t know.

And ‘Theirs’?

My buddy, Robinson lives in the DR (Dominican Republic). They have had some rain. They have had some rain and some people have lost their homes. 20,000 people were displaced, including Robinson. They had warnings though, they had 25 consecutive days of meteorological weather warnings.

When your wife is on the other side of a torrential,
impassable river... but you got your dog.

Perspective.

20,000 represents 0.002% of the population. When hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf in the USA 400,000 were evacuated; if 0.002% of Americans lost their home, it would equate to 660,000 people. The ‘rain’ in DR is a far greater natural disaster than Katrina. Did you hear about Katrina? Yeah, right? Rain in DR…? Not so much...? Thought so. Of course the US have CNN. And FEMA. And the rest of the Western World saying ‘poor America… here are $100’s millions to help rebuild your world class infrastructure, and get people their homes back with their vehicles and multiple tv’s and state aid, and electricity, water (fresh), sewer, cable, internet, gas, cheap food (how else can we get fat), state of the art medical treatment… here, more money.

My buddy Robinson lost his home, has no insurance, no state aid, no FEMA. Fortunately, the infrastructure never existed in the first place so they don’t have to rebuild that – fwoosh… what a relief… and the swamp he lived on… I think it did okay.

So… we have no skiing for a week, I ripped my kite and lost my board… boohoo. Tough life. But the thing is these first world problems we have, one way or another they get resolved. The wind came, someone found my board and returned it, my kite – repaired and flying the next morning… And snow at Big White? It is snowing hard, will continue and the delayed opening... reconsidered?

Third World Robinson? He lost his home, and is now living in a school with his wife and two-year old daughter… and that rain? It keeps going, there are still 18,000 people displaced; homeless since 7^th November. Robinson needs to finish building his house to find a permanent solution… he does get bragging rights tho... "my problem is bigger than yours." 

First World Problems… we are lucky to have them.

Sólido Properties... enjoying FWP's at Big White since 2000.

Big White is AWESOME! Chickendick...

Probably not what you think... unless of course you have been kiteboarding. It is the thingy that looks like (go on guess, yes exactly) a piece of plastic pipe that secures the harness to the control bar. 

And and and, it is also the name of a kiteboarding clothing company... they are called Chickendick. What? I know you know. I told you... dumbass. I just like repeating myself. I just like repeating myself.

Big White... Chickendick... is there a connection...?

Robinson somewhere, doing something or other. I dunno.

Well, let me be the first to break the news!

No.

Nope, no connection, none at all.

None.

Except...

I went Kiteboarding this summer, two times... so twice. Kite Beach, Cabarete, Dominican Republic - it (just like Big White) was AWESOME! And that is where I met Robinson Hilario - we don't like Robinson. We put a lot of effort into not liking him... we have to, cos it's hard. Let me tell you about Robinson, and why You shouldn't like him either.

Robinson... what the hell is he looking at?
Oh, wait, it is a 'dramatic' look. Got it.

1. He has hair. Lots of it, and it is the best kind. Even wifey is envious; and wifey is Italian with this big mane of dark curly hair down to, to... well, some of my favourite wifey bits. Yes, even she is envious.
2. He is young! Yeah! 11 or something... or 22 - same thing. Wifey kept looking at him... "he... he... is so, is so... doesn't he have really nice hair...?" No!
3. And he is a pro kiteboarder. I'm not even proactive. Bar Steward! World #11 or something, I wasn't paying attention. Cos really, who cares?
4. And he lives on a beach... in the Caribbean... kitesurfing all day... sponsored by all these fancy kitesurfing companies... F-One... who take him around the world making videos... 
5. And fit and healthy. Me? 48 - dad body - you know, Leonardo Di Caprio but without the money, beautiful girls, envious lifestyle, rich, famous, blah blah blah, hair! Ha! Fogger!
6. And he is a nice guy. Nice! Goddamit! For fogs sake! Nice!

So, you agree, we hate him? Thought so.

He was my instructor at Kite Beach - wait... just gonna give my buddy Wilson a plug - he owns Big Willy's Kiteboard School... I was glad of the apostrophe... Think about it. And Robby (to his friends) was my 'guide'.

Now 'guide' is a broad moniker, my 'guide' - Robinson, did quite a few things.

1. Robinson helped me find some Sea Urchins... I had to ensure I had found them... this I did with my big toe... four times. Brought some Dominican Republic Sea Urchin pieces home with me.Yes sir. Fun times. Crying was involved.
2. Robinson would collect my board... cos I kept falling off... and couldn't recover it. He could tho... he could recover it easy... and then do tricks... jump, land on the beach,

   

   Here is your board, again...

   board in hand... smiling at me. Bar Steward!
3. Robinson helped me find, with my other big toe a rock. Toe went black. Robinson laughed - it was funny... not.
4. "Any tips?" I would ask. We would laugh. Well, he would laugh. He would laugh with those big eyes, and perfect white teeth... and say nothing. Me? I was planning ways to make Robinson 'disappear'.

Not on this list? Robinson helping me find my sunglasses... both pairs. Sometimes when I was falling off my board (I did this lots to entertain Robinson), I would manage to 'whiplash' face first into the beautiful... warm... rock fogging hard Caribbean! Sometimes, I would only 'wind' myself, sometimes I would only swallow a gallon of salt water (sometimes the force was so much that my lungs couldn't take the volume... allowing my sinuses to act as Pressure Relief Valves... no, not painful at all)  sometimes I would avoid hitting my chest by absorbing the impact with my face. Twice. Twice I lost sunglasses - Oakleys. Robinson would smile at me... Fogger!

I'm just helping this damsel in distress.

Anyhoooo... Robinson is sponsored by Chickendick. They have these Awesome (yes, I will use the word again) t-shirts. Wait... yes, number 7. Number 7 on the list of reasons we hate him. T-shirts Robinson wears all the time yeah, All the time. And and and... he gave me one. Why!!? Wait, it gets worse - he gave me a brand new one, and it was the 'Pro' edition. Ahhh!!!! Fogger! Don't smile at me 'Robby'. 

I like my t-shirt, it is soft and comfy.

When I was in the Army we had 'issued' toilet paper (TP)... (wait... it is connected) TP was 'crunchy', 'crinkly' (think chip (crisps for you Brits) packet) and not very effective (which really is a critical element of TP... no?). Anyhow, sometimes we would buy our own TP... This we referred to as 'Comfy Bum' cos you needed to differentiate... "Lend us your comfy bum." No one ever said 'lend us that crisp packet...'.

Anyway, my Chickendick t-shirt, is the t-shirt equivalent of comfy bum - yes! It is that soft.

I think I see your sunglasses Chris.

And now, cos I told a bunch of lies n stuff I am going to be an ambassador for Chickendick. Yes, Amabassador Chris - so this is kind of me doing some of that bassadoring thing... whatever.

Actually, being an Ambassador gives me the inside track to management and owners. I can get you a t-shirt. Yes exactly! Just send me $500 and I can get you any colour you like. You can also get them here too - a little less expensive.



Okay enough.

Sólido Properties... owns, manages, runs (occasionally), operates a seasonal rental business at Big White Ski (and Bike) Resort. And (if you adopt a broad definition of kiteboarding) we kiteboard... so if you are looking for a place to stay this season... You are (not) in luck, we can('t) help cos we're full - sorry. The 'sorry' is me pretending to be nice.