Sunday, 18 May 2014

Big White is AWESOME! Property Values (again) and other (financial) stuff...

One of the challenges to purchasing property at Big White is the borrowing conditions. Whether the place is a condo. hotel condo, strata subdivision or bare land strata, banks are very reluctant to lend.

But why?
It is a long answer but I will try.

How does a bank make money?
Well there are really only two ways a bank can make money - fees and lending.

Fees.
Checking, wire, transfers, business account fees, statement fees, taking the dog for a walk fee, depositing funds fee, fees for checking how much the fees are... ad infinitum.

One fee that I particularly enjoy with one of my HSBC business accounts is my account fee. I have a National Home Warranty bond - funds held in trust in a GIC account. This account earns minimal interest, 0.9% per annum maybe, okay not great but something. The cost to hold this account was 2% per annum. Or it was until I threw my teddy in the corner, then it was reduced to 1.25%. So I am lending the bank money and for that privilege, I get to pay them - very exciting! Not.

Lending.
When I was young and good looking, thinner, had hair etc a finance professor said if you can borrow at 1% and lend at 2%... borrow and lend everything you can get hold of. This is why bank are always asking you to change your bank 'come to us, we have bells and whistles, and pretty colours, we will even give you money. Come on, you can do it, yes you can, yes you can...' 

They borrow hundreds of billions at 0.25% and lend the same at 2% - 36% (Credit cards).

What...? You thought the banks just put the money in a vault...? No, no, no, Mr Pickles, it gets lent to the man/woman/business on the street.

Capital Ratio.
But it cannot employ all the depositors funds, no, it needs to retain some. This is called the Capital Ratio. But how does it work? Glad you asked. Lets say there is a bank of Christoph Lummy Pie (CLP). Lets say CLP has customers with total deposits of $11m. With a Capital Ratio of 10% (Basel II regulations roughly for total capital) CLP can lend $10m. Brilliant, easy... yes I thought so too.

Risk.
What is risk? There are lots of definitions but I like 'Risk is exposure to an event and the likelihood of that event occurring... good or bad.'  

A roulette table is a good analogy here; betting red or black will return you either double or nothing. But a casino will not profit if the odds are 50:50. Odds are not even, there is a green zero, (and on some tables a double zero). The zero will give the casino a 2.6% advantage, (double zero 5.6%). So a million $1 bets on the single zero roulette table will profit the casino $26,000... guaranteed. Casinos do not lose money.

So the risk (exposure) betting red or black is not 50:50 it is 50:47.4 with 2.6% going to the house.

For a bank the risk is the borrower will not pay back the debt. Different borrowing entities have different risk profiles - home owners - lower, credit card users - higher; the rates charged reflect the risk.

Bank Lending Risk at Big White?
It is a bit higher, the second property is lower on a homeowners priority than the first. The risk is a bit higher. 

Okay, lets go back to that Capital Ratio thingy again.
What affects it? So Bank of Christoph Lummy Pie has deposits of $11m and has lent $10m, he is complying with Basel II regulations. What happens if the ratio changes (Basel III) and increases to 10.5%? Either the deposits have to increase or lending decrease. Or if there is a big withdrawal? Lending has to decrease.

Lending decreases by withdrawing from markets, mortgages not being renewed, your credit card limit decreasing, the Central bank seizing 10% of your deposits (Cyprus 2012). Or locally, no lending at Big White.

And it is not just the Capital Ratio thingy... there is also lending ratios. When a bank lends money to buy a property, the bank takes security on the property title - a mortgage. Lets say the bank will only advance 90% of property value. If that property value falls by 50% (Big White 2000 - 2014...?) the bank has an exposure, or an increased risk. If the owner walks, the bank has to foreclose, books a loss and reduces its' Capital and therefore affecting the funds to lend.

It is more than this actually the security and the difference between the property value and the mortgage is considered part of the 'undisclosed' capital (along with booked but unannounced profits). Accounting for the property's loss in value can affect the banks capital level.

Big White.
In the bull market 2000-2007 we saw banks with excess capital. Banks were searching for markets to employ the funds, unemployed funds do not make money. To employ the funds Banks expanded into marginal markets, higher risk markets - larger resources were going to development projects, funding home-owner purchases on recreational property.

When the crash came most lenders were in the same boat, losses were booked, and the ability to lend decreased. Compounding the problem new banking regulations (targeted at reducing the risks banks take - Basel III arrives soon) started to come into effect. So not only must the bank lend at a lower ratio, it also has a lower capital base.

Why is my stock price down?!
It is the CEO dear, he is risk averse...
You may be asking yourself why would they do this... it sounds crazy. Shareholders. Like any enterprise the primary objective is to increase shareholder wealth. If bank A is not doing it, shareholders will sell the stock and buy a bank that is... Selling stock decreases stock value, cost of capital increases, profits drop (bank is not taking profitable risk). And then there is the CEO's drivers - bonus is related to share price, bonus is related to profit margins... his/her job is dependant on performance - under performing the market in general is a guaranteed way to lose your position.

E.g. take the bank of Christoph Lummy Pie, imagine the $11m of capital has diminished to $8.8m and the lending capital ratio has increased to 13%. CLP can only lend $7.67m. A reduction of 23%. Imagine if all banks had to reduce their lending by 23%...? 

The Sub-prime lending fiasco was probably worse than this, international bank balance sheets lost hundreds billions from their balance sheets - an assets thought to be worth $50b worth zero...? The bank's lending capacity drops by half a trillion dollars. This is the reason for the bail-out.

So lower risk markets are maintained the higher risk markets are cut - Development... Resort real estate lending - Big White.

Affect on Values.
Without bank lending potential purchasers cannot make buy - big problem one. Big problem two - purchasers are concerned about the exit strategy - if banks are not lending who will by my property when I want to sell? And the big problem three - falling property values create deflation. If the expectation is that property values will be lower, buyers will postpone their purchasing decision. 

Fascinating... but I'm not asleep...
Big White is a prime example - buyers willing to spend $500k on a property in 2007, are not willing to buy that same property in 2014 for $300k. In-fact recent sales at Big White show buyers paying $450k in 2007, and selling in 2014 for $230k (rough numbers).

Interesting the banks create their own problems here - foreclosing on properties creates downward pressure on property values. And the banks only marketing 'tool' is price reduction. It can be argued, dropping prices causes buyers to defer their buying decision.

Resort Municipal Status.
If Big White became its' own municipality the risk profile (in the eyes of the banks policy) would change. The perception is a lower risk, therefore the lending rules are less stringent - more buyers can buy... And again the banks perception will be self realized, more buyers will be attracted to the market.

Revenue Streams.
Capital markets are driven by revenue - actual and expected. 

At Big White the average occupancy for properties in the resort is 22% per year. Lets say my $300k property generates $15k of net revenue - 5% return. If occupancy increased to 33% with a commensurate increase in revenue to $22.5k the return would be 7.5%. A buyer needing a 5% return would pay $450k for the property. Now if the revenue was $15k but was expected to increase to $22.5k how much would the buyer pay? More than $300k but less than $450k...? Probably.

What if the revenue was expected to grow at say 2% per annum?  The formula the investment community use to value growing revenue streams is the current revenue ($15k) divided by current revenue rate less the growth rate.  Or 15000/(0.05 - 0.02) = $500k... at $22.5k the value is $750k.

You may want to ignore that gobbley gook above - it just means a growing revenue stream attracts a higher valuation.

Should you sell? 
Actually it should be should you sell based on purely financial decisions. But I will give you financial questions to ask yourself.
Really...?
  1. Can you sustain the cash-flow for the foreseeable future?
  2. What is the amount of capital paid down off your mortgage each year?
  3. Will the revenue stream grow - or is expected to grow?
  4. Your mortgage payments will likely remain the same, however, by how much will the purchasing power of those payments decrease? $10 today will buy you a Guinness at Blarney - what will it cost in ten years - $20. This indicates a inflation rate of 7% per annum. Or... a mortgage payment value deflation rate of 7%... make sense?
  5. What is the tax deduction value of the interest payments?
  6. Will the property appreciate in value?
All things being equal, your mortgage payment in 10 years will have depreciated in value, the revenue stream will have inflated, the outstanding debt will be 10 years lower.


Finally - market efficiency.
Markets are dynamic, they always move to an equilibrium balance based on current information. However market participants are human and emotional, leading to markets being over-bought (2000 - 2008) and oversold (2009 - 2014...). Over-buying drives up values, over-selling the opposite. The question to ask - is the market over-sold? For me it is. We are below construction costs, we are at a 14 year low (probably the only one in the world... maybe Iceland is lower) comparable markets have not dropped (Sun Peaks, Whistler, Silver Star) and the closest city (Kelowna) is probably still double its' 2003 levels. Are we oversold...?

Despite being a small market, we are a global market, many of our owners are foreigners - this has a dramatic impact on values. Global sentiment and exchange rates have very high impact-

  • A strong US and UK currency attracts buyers, a strong Canadian currency creates sellers because a capital loss is mitigated by a currency gain.
Conclusion.
A Resort Municipal Status will have a positive impact on bank lending, leading to upward pressure on property values. A weakening of the Canadian currency will have an upward pressure on values. An expectation of increased revenue streams will create upward pressure on values. A recovering global economy will create upward pressure on property values. Is it a good time to sell then? Not for me... but then again I have made many poor decisions... 

Like Me!

Sólido Properties owns, manages, rents properties at Big White; at the same time we try to balance our revenue streams and encourage value growth (for our own selfish reasons). If you would like to discuss improving your property's revenue stream (and thus my bottom line...) we can help.

Contact us at solidorentals@gmail.com or 'like' us on Facebook.

PS - I am not a financial advisor, this is not to be considered a professional opinion i.e. you can't Sue me. You are responsible for your own decisions... yes you are!

Wednesday, 7 May 2014

Big White is AWESOME! Fortis...

Sooo... do you know what pisses me off? No? Well I will tell you. Fortis - I set up an account, they said I have to pay a deposit of $550 I say no, they say it is their policy to charge this I say it is my policy not to pay these onerous charges that are nothing more than a way for Fortis to get cheap capital... they say... I say... ad nauseum... Anyway I did not pay it.

But the conversations are always the same. And you know what else? Have you looked at your bills compared to last year? There are two rates one is up by 10.02% the second 8.25% (roughly) in addition, the 'service' charge has gone from $18+ to $33+.

But but but... they are a monopoly, a regulated utility, rates are increased to pay for upgrades etc. But the company also answers to shareholders and ultimately the only true goal of any company is to increase shareholder wealth... everything else is subordinate to this goal. Everything!

Okay a couple of stats for you-
  • On March 2nd 2009 the share price for Fortis was $18.32, five years ago almost to the day. Today the share price is $32.45 after peaking at $34.95 a year ago - an increase of 77%.
  • In addition the dividends have increased from $.26c per share to $.32c a $.06 increase or a 23.1% increase. Annualized this increase is only 4.4% compounded per annum (1.0424^5 = 23.7% or ((1.237/1)^(1/5)) simple really).
But what do all these gobbledegook numbers mean?

Shareholder Wealth.
If the share price has increased 77% and the market cap value today is $7b five years ago the value would have been $4b. This means Fortis have increase their shareholders wealth by three billion dollars - not bad for a regulated utility. 

Interestingly the book value is only $22.39 - assets less liabilities. The excess really is market confidence. Or the expectation future cash flows will justify todays value... Or... the market expects revenues to increase, profit margins to increase... Or to you and I it means billing rates to increase.

Hmmm... of course it is all above board cos it has been approved by the BCUC... does not mean it is right.

  • Fortis report that 75% of homeowners will pay the same or less. This means 25% will pay more, it could also mean that 1% will pay less, 74% will pay the same and 25% will pay more. 
  • And Fortis's other argument for increasing rates? They want the homeowner to use less electricity - if our shareholder wealth increases because of this it is not their fault... poor lambs.
So... Fortis piss me off.

Other than that... Big White is AWESOME!

Wednesday, 23 April 2014

Big White is AWESOME! A Year...

Life in a Trifle... What...? I like trifle.
Lots can happen in a year... bought a house and added a kitchen... started a company and then another... did my level one and level two ski instructor courses (and passed) tried to get a job with Big White ski school and despite my engaging and compelling humour I was turned down... wtf...? Apparently begging and crying don't work either... but don't worry Clipboard Bob promised me a job for next season... now I don't condone kidnapping but I like to think I got points for creativity... not for sleep deprivation or starvation... What...? He should be thankful, he lost 7kg - and I didn't ask for a ransom, well other than the job thingy. People would pay good money to lose just 2kg... never mind seven.

So next season if/when Her Majesty decides her pleasure is complete... and if Bobbidy Bob Bob keeps his word... would you like a little sausage Bobbidy Bob Bob? Who is a good little clipboard controller? You - yes you are, yes you are... 

Next - the rental company, yes I know I have been doing seasonal rentals for a while but this year I decided to make it legal, yes the L word. So I found a whole bunch of owners who didn't know me, I mean needed some slick management and property control. Got them a dodgy unenforceable contract and voila (yes bit of French for you...) not that I like the French... I am English, we are not allowed too. Although I quite like France - it is a bit like England... time for a tangent me thinks...
Interest Blog Mr. Sherriff... Now, do you like my 'tache' and
Bond eyebrow thingy?


England and France
  • We are both in Europe.
  • And... well France is beautiful... England is er... rainy.
  • The French language and accent is a lovers language... the English is erm... well we have various accents - 
    • Cockney rhyming slang famous in er... London. Very similar to not very much and they use phrases like apples and pairs meaning elevator and trouble and strife meaning umbrella.
    • Mancunian - made famous by Liam and Noel Gallagher of the Beatles fame.
    • Scouse from Liverpool... have you ever seen the film Pretty Woman? Well it has nothing to do with that.
    • Brummie - Birmingham, 'yam al rite, yam r' means I am doing very well thank you. Yes, Birmingham is famous for Indian food - more famous than India actually... well there they just call it food.
    • Home Counties - have their own accent, it is usually the one you hear in movies - Star Wars n' stuff.
    • Scots - have there own various Scottish accents - but don't worry I am here to help. If you hear an accent and it sounds like the person speaking wants to do you bodily harm... it is probably Scottish - he/she could be buying you a drink, asking for directions or wanting to kill you... or all three - talented those Scots.
    • Irish, similar to the Scottish interpretation but with Guinness involved and less easy to understand.
    • Welsh... they even have their own language called Welsh, amazing eh? But they also speak English... well a version of it... 'Yaki dah' means 'Cheers' and in Welsh is spelt lechyd da this of course is pronounced 'Yaki dah'. Not a phonetic language is the Cymru (pronounced Welsh... I could be fabricating the last bit)
      • Of course there are numerous other accents but being lazy I cannot be bothered to abuse right now.
  • Skiing - the French have the French Alps... the English have the Lake District...  strangely full of lakes... caused by the rain... and it has hills, with grass on them making them perfect for sheep... and 30 years ago - grass skiing.
  • Beaches - St Tropez, Cannes, French Riviera... all beautiful French resort areas. England has Southport - which is er... up north... and the sea is seldom seen. We used to have Blackpool beach too, but well we had too many polluted beaches to comply with EU regulations... so... Blackpool does not have a beach anymore. The beach is still there... but is not technically called a beach.
  • Cuisine - the French is famous for delicious diverse and creative dishes - Snails, Frogs Legs, the English have Fish n Chips and roast beef... less popular... 'let's go to that English restaurant...' is not a common global phrase...
  • Libations - the French have wine, cognac, champagne, thousands of dollars (Euro's) can be paid for a single bottle of red... the English have beer... served flat at room temp - two quid for a four pack at Tesco's. Of course the English have expanded their cultural diversity - now you can also get French wine in Tesco's... even in Wales... yaki daaaa...
  • Language - most French people reluctantly speak (amongst other languages) English, the English also reluctantly speak English... well I say reluctantly, a better word would be 'unable' - see accents above.
  • Fashion - despite having no fashion sense the French... who am I kidding French fashion houses started with Bonaparte who had his horse painted white before invading Russia... (yes... cos of the snow) however the only other country to have more fashion sense than the French is Italy and guess who invented Italy? Yes the English.
  • Soccer - again invented by the English and the French want to be English so much they insist on repeatedly winning the World Cup... Les Bastards...
And we are back - rental stuff. Yes I did it. Had some interesting tenants... gave the good ones beer. Actually they all started out good... well until they moved in anyway. Anyway (you can't end and start a sentence with the same word... yes I can...) interestingly I have a lot of beer left over... lots... and lots... and lots.

What else?
Er... that's it for today I think.

Sólido Properties is English (not French), owns, manages, rents and at the moment drinks lots of beer... if you are looking for a landlord or property manager who is so inebriated the best he can do is make up stuff in a blog... contact us :) now... time for a beer... Lechyd Da!




Wednesday, 19 February 2014

Big White is AWESOME! PUPPying... it is not what you think...

Being the un-creative soul that I am, I write about things that are in my little world - skiing when skiing, hiking in the summer, travel when travelling... you get the picture? Recently the thing that seems to be occupying my limited mind, is my dogs... well not really my dogs but my dogs business...

Wifey (yes the beautiful woman that sacrifices a better life to be with me...) got some new dog food... for the dogs... (in case you were wondering). This dog food is AWESOME! But not in the Big White way, more in the "That dog can produce an awesome amount of..." and the food seems to have some unique qualities that have been observed over recent weeks...

  • Expansion - more comes out of the dogs than goes in...
  • Rapid Processing - er... it moves very quickly from one end to the other.
  • Frequency - not only does more come out, but it comes out more often...

AWESOME! 

Not...

Of course these observations have been taken in a very professional manner... with the typical scientific comments attributed to original research based observations -
  • 'F***ing he**! Again!'
  • 'Why!!!... Why!... Why!!!'
  • 'No, no, no, not there...!'
  • 'Really...? Again... really...?!'
  • 'You only weigh 12lb... how is so much possible...?'
Interestingly both dogs seem to have an uncommonly high poop to bodyweight ratio... AWESOME! 

Not...

And being the only one ever taking the dogs out... I have the unique privilege of singularly observing this phenomenon... I am so, so very lucky... And even better the little one has this special skill of shuffling along as he does his business... the single 'pick-up' gets to be four or five pick-ups... AWESOME!

Not...

So Puppying is Picking Up Prodigious Poop... again and again and again... The unhappy looking chap walking round with two happy and 'relieved' dogs, and numerous 'bags'... thats me that is...

Sólido Properties, picks-up after both tenants... and dogs... AWESOME!

Not...

Tuesday, 11 February 2014

Big White is AWESOME! Cos the people 8... Dobbi...

To his friends, close personal acquaintances, work colleagues, people he barely tolerates, and random people he meets, it is Dobbi... Being in my own special category, I have the privilege of calling him Mr. Shaxted... 

Dobbi is English (you know where the humour comes from... well the funny stuff anyway) and is a level 4... snow shoveler... not bad, however as you know snow shovelling is not an easy discipline, level 4 is really a beginner, Scott (with the attractive orange and green ensemble, shorts and running shoes) is a level 13... snow shoveler...

Scott is demonstrating the correct technique... "Dobbi... the shovel has to go under the snow... under, and you must bend the knees, hips and ankles... not like that, at the same time..."

"Pivot from the waist Dobbi, everything from the hips down must be still... turn it over, and keep the edge parallel with the snow... " ...Good old Scott, he does it for love...



Dobbi has a long path ahead of him, but he is getting there slowly. I am not sure he is ready for the next level, the mental discipline appears lacking... I keep trying to help - "Clear the drive Dobbi, clear the drive..." 
"er... no thanks, I am skiing again..." 

Okay, yes, skiing, so what if he is a level 4 instructor, it only goes up to level 4... snow shovelling... that is the key. It is not like skiing is a career... who does that?

Who would want to go out on a pristine, crystal blue day, perfect corduroy and carve some perfect turns...? 

Or powder...? When all that fluffy stuff just puffs up in front of you, man you can't even feel the snow... it's like floating... who wants to do that...? 

Right Lads. Today we are going to go up the mountain...
 and then er... down... again. Any questions?




Anyway the question of the day  -
'What is the collective term for a group of ski instructors?'

I have no idea... gaggle? Snow-riders...? Hmmm feels more like a group of snowboarders... ...they could be knuckle-draggers tho...

How about a Carver of instructors... eh?
And look here we have Mr. Shaxted (Dobbi to his friends) sticking his bum in the snow. Now I would normally think of something cutting and witty to say about this... but er... can't right now... I may get back to you.


Another shot of him not practicing his snow shovelling technique...

Would this be called Headging? Get it...? I combined his Head Skis with the extreme ski-edge he is on... good eh? What...? I can explain my wordplay if I want... Yes I can... YES... I can...



...Can.


What else? Oh yes, Big White got lots of powder again today look. That is me that is. True! But they must have photoshopped a different helmet... and ski poles... and jacket... oh and the goggles are different too... oh yes and they put me on a different part of the mountain and they obviously adjusted my stance... but definitely me.


Pitch - yes you can switch off now.
Sólido Properties owns, manages, rents properties at Big White; complains about tenants writes a crappy blog, drinks and gives away (less now) beer, and skis AWESOME! I mean, I have, AWESOME skis :)

Oh and next time... marketing... again... maybe.

Monday, 3 February 2014

Big White is AWESOME! Under Armo(d)ur

Not really.

But did you see the Under Armour latest advertisement? Yes it was filmed at Big White! How cool is that? Yes I know very cool! And you know who that snowboarder was? Yours Truly... has no idea either, but if you find out please email the knowledge to - idontgiveahoot@whatever.com

Video

I have been working hard on doing some marketing for Big White, I said to Michael J "Hey Mikey, dude... how have you been...?" Well I would of done if he was there... and would look at me... and liked me... and I didn't have that restraining order thingy. It was one minor incident, kind of... that broke the proverbial camels back... the other six incidents... yeah, not so much.

Anyway, marketing... I have come up with a brilliant new slogan for Big White this year! Yes, me, all by myself. Instead of 'It's the snow!' 

It took huge amounts of blood, sweat, and tears... and some recreational drugs also... to create...

'It's the (only) snow!' 

Now, you would think I could access some basic software that would allow me to photoshop the word 'Only' onto the graphic and get rid of the phone number. I would have done that... but you know the drugs thing... I ran out.

Brilliant! Don't you think? Cos you know, Big White has the only snow on the whole planet! True! Well, apart from the other ski resorts with snow.

Two blogs in a day...? That is Twice! I have not done twice in a day since... well probably my twenties anyway :)


Big White is AWESOME! Seasonal Staff & Beer to give away...

Mid Season Blues...
So here we are start of February and the mid season blues seem to have hit a few of my tenants.

I mentioned I occasionally bring tenants beer...? The good tenants... the ones that pay on time? Of course there is the occasional hiccup, when things happen beyond control... force majeure (French) in latin casus fortuitus... ooh Lummy Pie, big words there... Emergency dental work maybe... buying a new car... er... not so much.

Serious bit - bit boring really but... you know... You can look at this picture instead...



Owners have their beautiful property, proud of it, maybe they are not using it this year... maybe they will rent to seasonal staff - but you know, nice ones. Cos they have $100's of thousands invested - furnishings to electronics, artwork to appliances. They have mortgages to pay, strata, utilities, hot-tub maintenance, cable, internet... tons of stuff. So, they say to me, find some good tenants... okay, I will... maybe...

So I try. 
At the beginning it is all "we are the best tenants ever..." "we won't trash the place..." "we will pay our rent on time..." "we won't have parties..." "we are looking for a quiet place..." Really...? "Yes Mr. Pickles... we promise... :)"
"Do you have a reference from your last landlord?"
"Well, no... you see what happened... there was this party..."

So... half way through the season and we have got over some of the bigger celebrations...
  • Aussie Day...!!! Yay...! Let's drink beer!
  • New Year...!!! Yay...! Let's get drink champagne... and beer!
  • Christmas...!!! Yay...! Let's get drink wine, beer and shots!
  • Season has started...!!! Yay...! Let's get drunk!
  • It has snowed...!!! Yay...! Ditto!
  • First pay check...!!! Yay...! Let's go out, and drink beer!
  • Got drunk... then got laid...!!! Yay...! Let's get drunk again...!
  • It is my day off...!!! Yay...!
  • Snowed again...
  • Got paid...
  • Snowed... got paid... got laid... and day off... and my STI cleared up... ditto, ditto... ditto.

So, back to beer... if my "we promise, we are really, really, really good..." tenants, break their promise... I don't give them beer. So...
  • If you have one parking spot, but occupy four spots... No beer for you!
  • If you punch a hole in the drywall...? No beer for you!
  • If you are repeatedly late with your rent... No beer for you!
  • If the owner receives a noise complaint... and again... and again... No beer for you!
  • You have a party in the hot tub at 3am and keep the neighbours up... repeatedly... er... let me think... Yes...! No beer for you!
  • You leave your garbage outside, and the ravens get at it... and you don't clean up...? I think that qualifies... No beer for you!
  • You smoke in your apartment... "I don't smoke..." is not an excuse - Pot counts! No beer for you!
  • You use your neighbours hot tub...? Without permission...? But you were drunk...? Oh well then... No beer for you!!!
Hey look... I have beer left over this month... woohoo!

Leaving Early...
Not cool. You made a commitment, signed a contract, committed yourself to your employer, room-mates and landlord/property owner. If you leave you create problems and extra work.
  • So if you split with your boyfriend and met a new squeeze... not my problem.
  • If you got a job in the mines in Australia... not my problem.
  • If you decided to leave and go travelling to South America... not my problem.
  • If your beau back home is missing you... awwww... so sad... not my problem.
  • If your beau back home is running around with another guy/girl... you are probably better off... but not my problem...
  • If you broke your leg... okay, not a bad excuse.
  • If you got fired for repeatedly turning up late... not my problem.
  • You have a bad hair cut...
  • You ran out of money... really...? Then yes... still not my problem.
There, good, feel better now.

But... but... but Mr. Pickles... you said beer to give away...?
Yes I did... let me think about that... whilst I drink these...

Sólido Properties
owns, manages, leases property, deals with good and other types of tenants, believes their crappy stories and gives away less beer than usual... 


Okay... beer. If you read so far here is your chance. A bit of promo for Sólido, 'Like' Sólido on Facebook, and get your friends to 'Like' Sólido we will give you a beer. A lone, single, solitary, beer... can... empty... 

Monday, 27 January 2014

Big White is AWESOME! Sick...!

But who cares...? As long as it is not you... yes?

Yes I know but I was sick, man sick, yes... Man Sick! Whatever... 

So I was looking to do an interview with one of my buddies that live, here but since I don't have any... I interviewed myself. No it is true, I brought my assistant to the Bullwheel - Kassie, she does not drink much, even though she is Aussie... No she is not sick. She said to me that morning "I was gonna go riding, but I had a cup of tea instead, was good."

"Let's go for a beer." I said, "You can drink tea if you want..."
"I will have some hot water with lemon." ... 

"Okaaay..." not really knowing how to respond, but please, someone help - 'Wild Child! For god's sake somebody contain this woman!"

Anyway, interview.
Me. - "So Chris, you are an attractive guy, how do you handle it?"
Me. - "What..? What kind of dumb-ass question is that?

Me - "Well, thank you Chris, moving on I think, you wear the Big White bobble hat quite a lot, why is that?"
Me - "it hides my bald spot quite well. Is that your best question? No wonder you have four readers..."

Me - "Good answer... er... tell me something about yourself, something that few people know about..."
Me "Better... I have been shelled, shot at, mortared and I grassed up one of my best friend's... who then almost had me killed..."

Me - "Shelled...?
Me - "105 Howitzer I think, from the Serbs - the shell landed 40m away... shrapnel hit the vehicle in front of me... went through the engine block, gear box, into the cab, hitting the door and final falling to the ground... I kept the fragment - the 'bullet' with my name on it. Lost it now tho...

Me - "Grassed up your best friend...?"
Me - "To his dad... I agreed to bite the bullet. Two brothers, one said help... 'I can't do it' he said... 'okay' I agreed... it was drugs. He had druggy friends... with big sticks."

Me - "Okaaay. You are married and very happy? Where did you meet?
Me - "Tuzla, North East Bosnia, during the fall of Srebrenica. It was the middle of July, 40 degrees and the Serbs hit the village. We had 11,000 refugees arrive at the airbase, all women and children. It was chaos, we were drilling holes to search for water, women were giving birth... The world was watching... and 6000 men were executed... we were the UN... we did nothing..."

Me - "...I'm getting lost..."
Me - "...I still am..."

Me - "...Still?"
Me - "Yes... no... a bit..."

Me - "What do you love about your wife?"
Me - "Her mind... nothing else matters... the body is a bonus though :)"

Me - "Kids?
Me - "Yes two - kids are interesting, you realize that there are other people for whom you would die... and kill..."

Me - "Travel?"
Me - "Lots of places, ugly and pretty. Love New Zealand, Australia is okay, Europe is cultural and deep and oozes history but is crowded... USA is scary, very scary, Middle-East, not really; and the Baltic states, stunning landscapes and lots of history, but I have seen enough."

Me - "Where would you live? I mean, lets say you were ridiculously rich, unlimited funds. South of France, Monaco, Caribbean...?
Me - "Big White."

Me - "No, you are joking, c'mon be serious, unlimited funds anywhere man, where would you live?
Me - "Okay... If I had a choice I would want somewhere where my kids could walk to school, we spend enough time in cars so the school would have to be close. And the school would have to be good, not good as in producing a series of prime ministers but good as in giving the kids a happy and mentally challenging environment. I would live in a place that I could walk to restaurants, a place that was clean with fresh air. I would want a place that was not congested with traffic or millions of unknown people. A place that I could walk into any bar and know someone, someone who is not false, someone who choses their life. A place that I could pursue outdoor activities on a daily basis, a place I could take my dogs walking for hours and never see another soul. A place that I could call any number of people and say 'help' knowing the help would come. A place I don't have to worry about my kids, a place where they will get enough exercise, a place culturally diverse, a place that when I drive home my shoulders relax.

Me - "So...?
Me - "So... Big White... sorry"

Me - "What about stuff, possessions like er... a sports car? Don't you want a Porsche?
Me - "Yes. If I was rich I would have a Porsche... And live at Big White. I would also have a private jet, and still live at Big White."

Me - "What about a big fancy house?"
Me - "You know, I built The Edge, they were quite fancy. If I had unlimited funds I would probably build myself a nicer house, more gadgets, more stuff - tv's, stereos... maybe... tho I don't like tv... but... at Big White."

Me - "What about a career, you have an MBA..."
Me - "Yes I do... I did the MBA for me, for my mind. Yes at one point I thought I wanted more... corporate life... high pressure, responsibility, suits, expense accounts... I had it. I consulted for a hedge fund, I controlled the destiny of a 45 year old company, a $250m project, a legacy... I was told to kill the company "More profit Chris"... I said 'fuck you'... I saved the company... Hedge Fund? They tried to sue me - $30m and then $20m... get behind the queue... Besides, I once fell into the abyss, I couldn't push someone in... I don't have a career... I ski. The FBI said 'you could have made $35m...' And then what... go on the run for the rest of my life...? Where would I live...? Not Big White.

Me - "What next?"
Me - "I did my level one ski instructors course."

Me - "You are gonna teach people to ski...?"
Me - "Maybe... depends if they will have me or not... I'm gonna take my level two in March..."

Me - "But..."
Me - "What...? It's not my background? It's not building a $40m project...? It does not employ my MBA?

Me - "Well... yes..."
Me - "I do other stuff as well... ski instructing is not for the money... it is for fun... it is my Porsche...

Me - "Okay... I see. Other stuff...? Wink wink"
Me - "Yes, I write a crappy blog, about stuff... I make up..."






Tuesday, 14 January 2014

Big White is AWESOME! Cos the People 7… Gabe...

Unshaven… Wait… what…?
Gabe is my favourite person on the mountain… well, favourite named Gabe anyway. I am not sure if Gabe is an abbreviated version of the popular boys name - Gaberdine… who knows.

Anyway 'Gabe' mentioned that I had not bogged for a while… I said I went this morning… twice… not that it is any of your business "Blogged...! blogged…!"

Okay, okay, keep your gaberdine shirt on… 



So Gabe is quite handsome in that rugged Australian Outback kind of way… (less Crocodile Dundee more Koala Bear…) but you know what I mean.


And he is single… yes girls (or boys - he never indicated his preferences… but he lives with four other boys…) single… hmmm… girls girls… eh? Or boys boys… eh eh? (Just in case).

Kassie and I went down to drop beer off and he told me all about himself… 25, single, no kids, never married, devastatingly handsome (opinions vary) a skier, clean shaven, rugged good looks (yes I know I mentioned this bit but he kept telling me…), longish wavy hair… Gabe does not follow trends - as you can see he keeps his facial hair cleanly presented. Gabe prefers finger or paw food and has almost mastered the art of selecting the right sized leaf for consumption… almost… 

And he is a Cartographer for Lonely Planet! How cool is that!!! Yeah... I have no effin idea either… but it is a big word…

Me man… got no hole in wall… got beer!
(I promise there is no innuendo here)
One of the 'Boys' Gabe lives with is Cody… but he has to leave… as a landlord I am very easy going, mellow… good god man I even bring beer! (well to my good tenants anyway… what…? You never got beer? Do you have a hole in the wall…? Yes? No beer for you!)

But have you seen Cody's haircut? Yes? Okay you understand. Wait… just having a thought here, maybe the haircut is part of the culture of that lifestyle preference… maybe… Cos you know I told the boys I have a couple of girls that could replace Cody, and at least one is cute… (I have only seen one…) and they were like, er… well… I dunno… maybe… we have to ask the other boys… Oh… okaaay then.

I even tried to sell them Kassie... but no… they gave me that look, you know the one your wife gives you when she says nothing, but you know she is thinking 'dumb-ass… again…' 

I have mentioned Kassie before and look she is completely trained in handling Koala bears… and drinks that are bigger than her head… not sure what her friend is pawing tho… baby Big Birds maybe…?












Anyhoo… time for a pitch… Sólido Properties owns, manages, guarantees income, abuses tenants, facilitates drinking problems and er… you know other stuff as well… 






Big White is AWESOME!!! Thinking of coming to Big White for a season...? And you're nervous...? Part Duh!

See what I did there with the 'Duh'? Well... "Duh! Of course we did... dumbass." So, I have a little confession. That was ...