Big White is AWESOME! Big White Ski School.

So I said to Michael J "Do you read my blog?"
"No, I don't read…" ah yes…

He finished the sentence with some other words... but I already had my quote...

So… Ski School.
It all started when I was in the army, Germany… Osnabruck to be precise. My roommate Daz (we have a lot of abbreviated names ending in Z in the army - Daz, Woz, Loz, Shez, Moz, Doz… it is not cos we are louts who cannot enunciate our words… it helps with security… yes it does… yes... it does).

Sorry, sidetracked. Daz was on the Regimental Alpine Ski Team. Every year the regiment sent a team of 8 to various ski resorts train and compete in the Army winter games. I wanted to be on the team…

Well who wouldn't - free accommodation, equipment (except boots and clothes), food, extra pay… And world class ski instruction - we had race instructors from the Austrian Alpine C' Team.

8 weeks… and you are paying me extra? Er… yes please captain. We stayed at Anne-Marie's house - perfect massive Austrian shot-putter, type woman - we loved her. She was a world champion sledder (more weight than aero-dynamic advantage me thinks… and yes apparently there is such a thing). 

Now, there was one slight obstacle… I had never been on snow… ever… Yes we had snow in Wigan, yes I made a sled out a truck's mud-guard, yes we went sledding (mud-guarding) at the old mine… Now if you are coming to the conclusion that I grew up poor you would be wrong… we couldn't afford to be poor, we were envious of all the poor kids and the stuff they had like clothes, food, heat and education…

Anyway I was not on the team… yet… a week before the teams departure, one guy dropped out. Instantly I marched to the (very busy) ski team officer's office… "Sir, I want to join the ski team."
He asked me one question and it was an important question (for me) "Have you ever skied before?"
"Yes Sir."
"Okay, you will need… da da da and da"
"No problem Sir."
"We leave on… da da"

And that was that, I was on the Regimental Alpine Ski Team. "Hey wait a minute, you have never skied…" Well… technically it was not a lie… and I was only asked one question… not how much… or what type… 

Lets go back in time a bit, 33 years… "When ah wuz a lad o' 12 (Lancashire accent here please… it's a bit like a Yorkshire accent but less expensive) grewin up wi art clothes an stuff…" I did two hours of grass skiing… 12 and on grass - a kind of tracked boot. So... not really a lie... more of an omission captain... - but army training - direct and to the point, Sir!

By the time Captain Harry (Haz - for security reasons…) found out, we were in Austria, and it was too late… "Just how much skiing have you done Sapper…?" 
"Er… well, you see sir…" Haz came from a wealthy upper class background… but I liked him anyway.

I fell in love with skiing, it was the only sport (bar squash) for which I had any passion - and that was day one! By the end of the first week I was claiming I was gonna crush my team-mates. And you know what? Yes! I failed... in epic style. But I was hooked. I crashed lots… Lots! My first pair of boots lasted exactly 6 days… but hooked!

And it was not like Big White where you step out your door, clip on your skis and go… No, our village (Fulpmes) was 40 mins drive from the bottom of the mountain, a 30 min line-up to get on the gondola, and then a 30 minute gondola ride to the ski area… Good god man, how long!? And the same going back (but in reverse - I know, I know, but there is a chance Paul is reading…) basically 5 hours of travel and 6 hours of skiing. And you wonder why I think Big White is Awesome?

It was quite nice tho

This is a pic I didn't take on a day I wasn't there.

Get on with it dude… 
Okay, Big White Ski School... It is AWESOME!

Wait… what…? You want more, but, I have written tons already…

Oh, okay… 

That was 25 years ago, when skis were straight, and long… Anyway when I arrived at BW I thought I could ski. I could, kinda. Yes I could get down the mountain, yes I could turn - parallel slide right, parallel slide left... and repeat… gud ah wer...

Bumps? No.
Powder? No.
Trees? No.
Center Balance? No.
Challenging terrain? No.
Flailing arms…? Yes, I could do those.

Groomed runs? Yes, I could slide those. And Big White provide those in abundance… actually it is the groomer guys… three cheers for them, woohoo! And er… sorry about my dog and… thanks for not 'grooming' him… we will take him to Pet Smart… 

So... I was supposed to have a meeting with the head of ski school - Josh Foster… Josh is a funny guy, he kept me waiting... and waiting... and waiting… after a hour and despite the fun laughing at the joke, I had to leave... Instead I spoke to Blake who is so much nicer than Josh. Unlike Josh I find Blake intelligent, articulate, erudite, far better looking and is occasionally naked… in bars people, in bars… what is wrong with you guys...

Ok - ski levels. 
Big White has 7, level 4 ski instructors. Do you know how long it takes to become level 4? FOREVER! Longer than a doctor! And the pay is way, way less. And even worse, you cannot self medicate… Boo! Luckily for me I did not become a doctor, or a ski instructor - instead I started a land development company… and lost everything… yay...

And level 3…? I have no idea… my research budget is not that high, most of the stuff I make up anyway. But Big White has a higher ratio of level 4 instructors than Whistler! (made that bit up too… not really, it is true).

But the point is Ski School game me so much mountain - and there are lots of instructors.

So, go take advantage of the highly qualified, highly experienced ski instructors at Big White - they don't do it to get rich, they do it because they love to ski…!

Is that good enough Michael? Can I have my pass back now?

Pitch-
Sólido Properties lives, owns, rents, manages property, ski (better now) and loves living at Big White. And for those looking for a place to stay this (2013/14) season… we have nothing left. But contact us anyway and we can provide personalized message telling you "not a chance..."

Big White is AWESOME! YUM! And Cos the people 6… Lakatie...

Official Sport of the Blarney Stone.

I played squash last night… did you know it is the new preferred sport of the Blarney Stone? True!

It used to be that Irish Sport (and no not Irish as in Paul Irish… smart Irish) Hurling… Yes, it is a famous sport… fourteen people play it… twice a decade… if it is sunny. Did you know it only rains twice a year in Ireland? Jan to June and July to December. True.

Actually one of the reasons Hurling is so difficult to play is the equipment… you have to be sober to create a stick - can you imagine cutting these angles drunk…?

And another interesting and lessor known fact - Hurling was invented by Lululemon…!


So Yum!

Invented by Lululemon.

I am in the Blarney Stone… wait... let me back up a little… bit more… further...

…Ok. Last night I played the Blarney Stone sport - Squash. I drove all the way to Penticton (in the snow) at dark-o-clock to play a match… two hours there, two hours back… all for a 5 game match. Well, five games if I had managed to win... or get a game... or two… it was a three game match… cos I got my ass-kicked 3-0…


Actually, last night, my shots were very accurate. This is a squash court… do you see the tin (it says Tin on it)? Well, the front wall covers an area of roughly 300 sq ft. The Tin  - 27 sq ft (ish). Well my accuracy was so good that I was able to consistently hit the tin... more than the front wall anyway… and a travel bonus, there was still 10 minutes of the day left when I got home.



Anyhoo… with squash being the best all-round, most physically demanding and mentally challenging (my blog, my opinion) sport in the world… I worked really really really hard... at having my ass kicked... really hard! This means I burned millions of calories, (two million actually) which needed to be replenished, therefore it is why I am at the Blarney Stone… eating breakfast - the most important meal of the day.

And the breakfast is YUM! Look at that - even with my iPhone pic it looks good!

My wife said bring home the leftovers… wait… what…? "You won't eat it all!" She was right… I had to leave that piece of bacon… look close… closer… top right hand corner of the plate (I know it is round), there you go.

Research...

And by the time I had finished, it was after twelve… somewhere... and being an Irish pub (Tavern) I thought it wouldn't be right if I passed on desert… Of course for research reasons only…

So yes, breakfast at the Blarney Stone is Yum!!! (Yes, triple emphasis - it is that good) and dare I say it… Big White good… Ka-pow(der)! Did you like that play on words Michael J? …No you can't use it.

But Captain…
What about the people?
Ah yes, thanks for reminding me.

Lakatie Nakia is a people… I think… (actually the correct spelling is Likadiaphant (but she does not know this yet)

Despite everything I am Lakatie's fourth favourite person on the mountain… named Chris… who is bald… with a beard… born on Christmas Day… Yes! Fourth! She said so herself! She also mentioned that she is accepting applications for people to become acquaintances - please contact Likatie if -

• Your name is Chris
• You are bald.
• You have a beard.
• Was born on Christmas day and…
• Live at Big White…

She is looking for three people.

Lakatie also has some isms… they are so cute you just want to chop her up into little pieces sometimes…

• On meeting my wife she opened the conversation with "… you are old…" Ha! Good one! Susan laughed until she cried… well, without any of the laughing bits.
• On seeing us for the first time this season she starts with "Hi… I didn't know you guys were still married…" Classic!

Yum…! Almost as good as breakfast.

For a while there were some ugly rumours circulating and recently it was confirmed - Lakatie is a Zombi (is that generic plural/masculine? Is singular feminine, zomba?) 

Regardless, photographic evidence has been secretly sourced… Stay away from Lakatie if you want to keep your brains on the unexposed and preferred side of your ear… 

Another Victim is Captured...

Off course I could be wrong… (I have know to be wrong, ask my (still current Lakatie) wife) Lakatie is studying Sex and Violence against women… so these pics could just be innocent academic research.

Anyway… next week we will be exploring the exotic life of a pebble… 

Sólido Properties owns, manages, rents, chases delinquent tenants, writes a crappy blog, makes stuff up for personal amusement and has great, but skis poorly, at Big White… And is Lakatie's fourth favourite… eh?

Big White is AWESOME! Brad, Or Braddles… or Cuddles...

Cuddles has been doing a bit of work for me recently - and I have to flag up that his work is AWESOME! Who cares that is took 16 days for 4

Yes… look at my giant hand.

hours work… the important thing is the work is now complete and the quality of excuse(s) provided were second to none…

Day one -
No Cuddles - dunno, just didn't arrive.

Day two
Shit mate, I forgot to set my alarm… Of course home at 5am may have affected Cuddles's ability to push a button… 

Day three
"… 8am?" he says. "Coffee is on" I say… Cuddles goes riding... "What if I do Wednesday, Thursday and Friday morning? I'll be finished by the weekend" He says...

Day four
Cuddles arrives on time… well almost... within two hours of the expected time…

Day five…
Cuddles arrives on time, well only 55 mins late… things are improving!

Day six…
No Cuddles… things are not improving...

Day seven…
"I am still coming round this morning, but it may be 9:30-10."
At 10 I get, "gonna be a bit longer… 11-11:30… if u r home…" Or 12:30… works… we don't mind waiting… it is not like we have kids, or businesses to run…

Day eight…
Ah… no Cuddles… 

Day nine…
2.5 hours after the scheduled arrival… the 'excuse' arrives "had a late night last night mate, had a bit of a sleep in…"

How does this work?

Day ten…
"F*** man I'm hopeless. Yer didn't set my alarm…" (not sure what 'Yer' means - could be Aussie slang, like 'Heaps') Damn those elusive buttons...

Day eleven…
We are now playing Cuddles Roulette… Is he coming, is he late, did he set his alarm, did he get drunk, did he work late, is there powder… will he recycle another excuse… 

8:16 Cuddles - "I am out of bed and well slept…"
9:25 Cuddles - "I'll be there in 5…"
10:15 Cuddles arrives… good job he slept well…

Day 12
No Cuddles but a… "Definitely tomoro mate…" Wait, what… no excuse…? Note* I think 'tomoro' is the Australian for tomorrow… Criminal! (He! he! he! he!)

Day 13
Following on from yesterdays "Definitely tomoro…" We have at 8:43 "wouldn't mind sneaking a ride in this morning if I have time…" At 8:43 remember… at 11:54 a mere three hours later, I get "I'll be a bit later than noon, only just got out…" really…? 
Cuddles arrives… 3pm (ish)

Day 14
At 3:45pm (PM!) Cuddles sends me a text to tell me he is unreliable… to 'tell' me? Glad we sorted that one out...

But I did get a "I'll be there tomoro. If my 'Word' still means anything to you."

Oooh! Serious Cuddles… Back to roulette… will Cuddles arrive? And on time?

Day 15
9:57am… "Will someone be home around 10:45 - 11?" Yes… Will you…? No… really?

Day 16
...Finished! 

So soon?

Actually Brad did an AWESOME! job. Thanks Brad!

The cheque is in the mail… I mean, I will bring you cash… when I get paid… I meant paid next month… I have to go to the bank… machine… in Sam's… oops I seem to have misplaced all my money... at the bar… can I give you a cheque?

Sólido Properties rents, manages, owns property… and listens empathetically to crappy excuses…