Funny! But not PC... not even after I toned it down... So it is there, hidden from eyes, but if you ever want to see it... don't tell wifey.
So lets er... talk about nothing.
Did I tell you I now get paid for writing...? $3.12 in September, a professional I am now. Granted I am not a Shakespeare - I haven't even read his stuff... lots of people rave about it... seems a bit too wordy for me... "A horse, a horse... my kingdom for a horse..." Romantic grand gesture, but a bit of overkill... how about "...Wigan for a horse..."
*Richard III, - story of a short but Machiavellian rise to power. Shaky 1592+/- Don't say you don't learn anything from Lummy Pie.
A bit more realistic, no? Cos you know he won't honour the kingdom/horse thing. He will get his lawyers involved, the horse was the wrong kind, he mis-spoke, it was a rash comment in the heat of the moment... blah blah blah... And he is Machiavellian, he is gonna cut your head off.
Now Wigan on the other hand, I can see that going for a horse... actually if I was king, giving Wigan up would not be a bad thing... here take it... no no no, please have it... a gift :) That's very generous of you kingy, but, what do I do with it? It seems to be full of those thingy's... er... Wiganers... eating pies and they don't speak English...
Granted Wigan has a couple of things going for it... it is easy to leave for one... And er...
...er fish and chips... best in the world... oh yes they are... and best mushy peas too... you listening Ben? You cannot squash up a bunch of garden peas, add mint and call it gastro... No, no, you cannot! I don't care what Paul says - he is Irish and used to be Debbie Harry - who was not famous for mushy peas...
Who is Paul? He is your boss you numpty... of course he exists, where do you think I learned that word from...?
Alright were am I? Yes, Wigan. Mushy Peas (the real kind), pies and easy to leave... not worth a horse you say... what about a carrot? Wigan for a carrot...
I think that is it... for today... oh wait, how about a story?
...here is a short army one... Eddy.
Eddy was a nice guy (probably still is) when I knew him in Germany; not that it mattered, but we were stationed in Osnabruck - 43 Plant Squadron. Now, Eddy was a bit of a bragger... bit of a show off, he liked to display his accomplishments... talk about his conquests...
One weekend a couple of the guys (including Eddy) did a road trip to Denmark. Eddy met a girl one night... and woke up the next day with a... memento, no not an STD but a single hair in his teeth... you know the kind... And he decided to keep it, in his room, in a little glass frame...
Every so often (when friends were around) Eddy would pull out the... and play with it... in his teeth... on his tongue... in his lips... making little noises 'mmm mmm mmmmm...'.
Eventually the boys had had enough. One day when Eddy was out, it was swapped for another...
No comments:
Post a Comment