It started with Jude... I coach a bunch of kids - her son Owen is one of them. Jude thought I did such a great job that she bought me a coffee! Yay...! And she suggested I coach a group of Big White Ladies. Boo...!
"Yeah... sure..." I answer… it is the kind of answer that really means "What!? Are you mad, me? Ladies? Me? No… no... no… I don't think so". But she was not listening.
And I am not a soccer coach... yes I am English... yes I have played a little bit of soccer... no I am not a soccer coach... okay I coach 8/9/10 year old boys. But do you know how to coach 10 year old boys? You give them a ball and say "Go!" Then guide - loudly... "not him... he is on your team..." "don't use your hands..." "that is the wrong way…", "yes, you can go pee..." Easy.
Do you know how to coach Ladies…? On a soccer team...?
Me neither… good god man, they have had 20 years experience training men… each...! I don't stand a chance.
Last week, despite my (futile) attempt to resist, I agreed to the first session… on the day, they only had four players. They needed more; where can you find a group of healthy, active, keen, happy, not time constrained players… yes, correct, at the school...
So... we held the first, international, co-ed, high altitude, inter-generational, flexible rules, Big White soccer championship - also known as 'a game'. It was chaos. But who cares, it was Fun!
By game time we had two dads and six middle aged ladies. Being middle aged… health and fitness fall into a varying range of priorities… from high (zero participants) to low - somewhere below wine, shopping, other stuff they do in the house - TV and giving husbands a hard time (what!? - don't give me a hard time… we're not married!)…
And on the kids team we had 16 young, flexible, eager, agile, trained, energetic kids; accustomed to high altitude, high intensity activities… whose priorities revolve around sugar, chasing each other, electronics, sugar, and er… sugar.
Anyhoo… it was a close fought match and after 60 minutes of uncontrolled, uncoordinated, unsafe, variable rule gameplay, the youngsters won the day 7 goals to 6.
Notable plays -
Jude - great speed to the ball… soon we will work on what to do when you get to it.
Jolene - great physical presence... remember to play the ball, not the 7 year old…
Joy - great great enthusiastic play… but jeans…?
Miranda - that was the best tumble I have seen, well the best that didn't end at the ER.
Next time… rugby.
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